Serpintine Sharingan
by FeralRaziel
Summary: I have flung the cast into the 21st century! rated T for violence, cursing and shameless jokes. So sorry if your eyes bleed, haven't written anything in a while...
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Naruto characters or the later to come Legacy of Kain characters! & I'm not into yaoi to let people know off the bat. Seems to be popular for some reason, but the occasional closeness is fine with me .

Hey, oh beloved Word processor, have a random fan-fiction thing that makes sense to nobody but me! Sounds like a plan.

And by the by, I know next to nothing about Akatsuki...oh, wait. I have (do do doooo)

The INTERNET!

Okay so Kisame is the shark guy, which I knew. Deidra is that obnoxious blond dude with the mouths in his hands. Zetsu is the guy with the...thing on his head , whom I knew of. Yay for Zetsu! Them and Itachi are the only Akatsuki members I'm going to use in this story.

Also in this story, Neji, or as Orochimaru likes to call him, Hyuga #2, is having some personal issues. He is unable to identify the cause of them, but I figure its some post traumatic, future shock thing. Anyways, Neji has taken to plotting against Hinata because, despite never saying anything, everybody loves her. I hear tell Neji is nicer to Hinata now, episode wise, but I can't stand the guy so...Neji you are now the catalyst of violence against Hinata!

So...yeah...This is in the 21st century! Its today, as you like. The above mentioned Akatsuki members were the only ones to appear in our time. They stuck together, Itachi grabbing hold of the lead. Now we're off!!! And, of course Orochimaru has managed to piss people off at the start of things.

High speed car chases were a lot more fun then they should be when they took place on the desolate roads of the northwestern states of the U.S.

Orochimaru the Giant Snake was confident, but not completely sure, that he could wipe out the 3 remaining Akatsuki members. This, however, ran the risk of him being terribly maimed and left on the side of the road for the carnivorous mountain wildlife.

It took an unfathomable amount of chakra to transfer bodies. Every drained sinew, that was now his, screamed at his mind in outrage. In light of the visualization of being maimed, Orochimaru found that a high speed car chase suited his fancy just fine. Although, when he originally stumbled into his car, he didn't think Kisame would get so bent out of shape about losing Itachi. So bent out of shape, in fact, that he stole a car and came after the Sannin. Deidra and Zetsu, the remaining Akatsuki, stole yet another car to go after Kisame. This struck Orochimaru as odd. Akatsuki was never one of those brotherly kinds of crime organizations.

So there was a stolen car chasing a stolen car chasing an ominously black (of course) muscle car, doing over 100. Orochimaru was running out of gas. God knows how long they had been driving. He was unaware Kisame could even drive. He sighed and glanced at the rearview mirror, brushing Itachi's bangs from his face.

Looking to the road again, he was surprised to see a logging truck coming at him Orochimaru swerved to the right. It was at that point he found out that Kisame could not drive. The truck clipped Kisame's stolen car, turning the backside of the vehicle into a concave crease of twisted metal. Deidra, with Zetsu in the passenger seat, had the sense to turn the wheel by that time. They came to a screeching halt after all glass of their headlight had said hello to the reflective end of the guardrail.

The truck blared its horn and came to a rest athwart the asphalt. Orochimaru had come to a quick stop on the side of the road and got out of his car to look back. Kisame's car, missing the guardrail, plummeted off the cliff. Kisame leapt out before it cascaded into the trees. The car exploded, embedding shrapnel into everything around it.

The driver of the truck got out of his rig just in time to see Zetsu flit off into the trees after everyone else. The man got back in the cab and shrugged. He carried on his way and had an interesting story to tell his family when he got home.

Next chapter There are actually other characters in this story :p Find out what happened to Itachi! & why the hell I put my friend Fiona in another Naruto fic! Teh Feral


	2. Enter: Everyone else

I own nothing! Except the ability to switch characters!

There was a large area of land, about 5 acres, behind an apartment complex somewhere near the inner edge of northern California. This plot of land, though belonging to the district, was affectionately called New Konoha. Sad as it may seem, it gave great comfort to the shinobi living in the before mentioned apartment complex, especially to those of them who still felt alienated by this new way of living, despite it having been 6 or 7 years. Most of the ninja were hanging around the heart of New Konoha, the newly established training grounds.

Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, Shino, Anko and Kiba (who was playing fetch with himself/ Akamaru) were all cavorting in one area. Off from the main cluster was a small clearing. Hinata was working up a sweat training. Sasuke was standing to the left of her. He was leaning against a tree and staring up at the wispy clouds. Neji was lurking somewhere beyond, unbeknownst to everyone else. Kakashi strolled leisurely past him, in fact, while making his way towards Sasuke. Fiona, a dedicated fangirl who was splitting rent with the copy ninja, was trying to be stealthy and follow him. She ran into Neji and the two started bickering immediately.

It was at that moment that two men in Akatsuki robes tumbled out of the brush, one attempting to throttle the other. The attacker, rather blue, was thrown from his target accompanied by the faint hissing of snakes. The blue man landed on his face across the clearing. The other stood, his back to the Konoha shinobi (and Fiona, the sound ninja lover). Two more Akatsuki stood at the edge of the tree line, like deer in the headlights.

"Itachi...?!" Sasuke breathed. Itachi's look-alike froze. The shark-like Akatsuki member, recomposed from eating dirt, laughed harshly. Kakashi recognized 'Itachi's' hand, hanging limply at his side, was stark white. '_Uh-oh_' he thought, '_This is going to be a mess._'

Orochimaru glared at Kisame, who was doing his best to cackle vengefully. "You sure got yourself in deep this time, Orochi. I don't see you getting out of this alive, between me and that mini-Uchiha brat." Orochimaru's glare intensified as he felt Sasuke's gaze pierce him. "Well, Sasuke-kun, you do know how to make things awkward, don't you?" Orochi said over his shoulder.

In the silence that followed Fiona gasped. "Oh. My. God. Orochimaru is Itachi!!!" she exclaimed. Neji attempted to stab her with a shurikin. Kakashi glanced at Sasuke to find the boy staring aghast at Orochimaru's back.

"You... _killed Itachi?!_" Sasuke shouted. "...Sort of..." was the Giant Snake's response. "You knew! You knew that was my purpose, that was what I was supposed to do!" Sasuke exclaimed. Orochimaru turned on him and grabbed him by the shoulders before he could form any seals. "It was what you were supposed to do because your deranged, lunatic brother told you that's what you were supposed to do. God knows, you could try and be a productive member of society." Orochimaru told Sasuke. "This coming from the S-class ninja who killed our Hokage." Kakashi said. There was a pause.

"Just because I'm evil, doesn't mean I can't give good advice." Orochi said matter-of-factly. "Yeah, so get a _job_ Sasuke." Fiona said, then cracked up, laughing to herself that what she had said was dirty. Orochimaru was the only one who caught what the girl had said. He laughed. After a moment of looking at Sasuke's unamused face, Kakashi laughed as well. He sensed that Orochimaru and the Akatsuki sheep had practically no chakra left. In the midst of this arbitrary merriment not one of the stealth honed ninja paid attention to the '**_chak-chak!_**' of what was once Itachi's shotgun.

Everyone noticed the '**_BLAM!_**' that came after, however. Only Orochimaru didn't, he was far too distracted by how fast the ground was coming up to meet him. Sasuke uttered an insane giggle which was half because it served Orochi right to be eviscerated with a shotgun blast and half because he was nervous of the crazy shark guy wielding the shotgun. Fiona had shrieked bloody murder. Hinata had jumped back faster than a rabbit on fire. The empty shell landed at her feet.

"_SON OF A B----!!!_" Orochimaru exclaimed from the ground. Kakashi held Fiona back from trying to attack Kisame. "Kisame, come on now. It was that damned shotgun that started this whole thing, yeah?" Deidra spoke up. Kisame's beady eyes swept to his companion as he kept the barrel an inch from Orochimaru's skull. "Yeah, it will end it, too." he said

Hinata was slowly inching away from the two in the center, away from the shark with the shotgun. Mostly she was inching away from the long slender cobra that had slithered up the back of Orochimaru's neck and twisted around the long black ponytail that Itachi had kept his hair in. When Kisame turned his attention back to Orochi the cobra was halfway up the barrel of the gun. His white eyes widened as the serpent reared back, hood spread, and hissed viciously.

The next thing Kisame knew, he couldn't see. His eyes felt like they were flaming in their sockets. "Ffffff!!! Spitting cobra!" he exclaimed, falling to his knees. He didn't need to watch the Discovery Channel to know what had just hocked venom into his eyes.

Orochimaru stood up. The cobra danced lightly on his shoulders and assessed the situation with its forked tongue. Orochi rested his hand on his shotgun wound. With the other he snatched the gun from Kisame, whose streaming eyes were shut painfully tight. Sasuke snatched the gun up in turn. Uchiha would have the mind-scarring image of Orochimaru, dressed as Itachi, bleeding and leaning on a shotgun with a spitting cobra keeping vigil on his shoulders, for the rest of his life, despite it only being 2 or 3 seconds. Kakashi snatched the shotgun from Sasuke while giving him a look that said '_I'll hold onto that, thanks._' The copy ninja tossed it to Fiona, who held it to her carefully.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this! But it will go somewhere! Next chapter: Will Sasuke explode? Will Orochimaru's smart-ass mouth get him killed? Where did Neji go all of a sudden? Will Fiona shoot herself in the foot?! (probably)Teh FeralRazzy!


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